The King of P ed OP hiles is Dead

The modern day pan

What can I say about the death of Michael Jackson, plenty. In my opinion, while only a few years ago when the media was ripping Michael a new one for having children sleep in his bed after giving them wine, they now are acting as if they were best of friends and as the fake tears flow, so many of the innocent were forced to grow up prematurely.

Yes the popular self proclaimed king of pop, went broke trying to put out fires he created and has done more of that them creating music in the past fifteen years.

Those without the all mighty buck, hold out candy to lure our children away but not Michael, he designed a ranch, a complex just for that reason.  He went so far as to use plastic surgery to look like the Disney cartoon, Peter Pan, because as we all know, Peter also lured children away from their innocence. 

Pedophiles come and go and yet we all wish them death.  The difference here is that Michael sang songs which don’t make him any less guilty. 

Remembering all the fake marriages putting up a front for his lifestyle, one should wonder what his real agenda was, I don’t it was the children.

Now we are slobbering all over a person who made his own choices in life.  We all must die, that’s life and for me, one less person preying on our innocent children is not going to be a factor any longer. 

Michael might have saw a man in the mirror, but all I saw was a kid toucher.  I won’t be hypocritical as most, no; I refuse to honor a person like that.  As far as I am concerned, there is one less predator among us.

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Madame Tussaud Accused of Dissing GOP

It might be me, but it seems that the last three wax figures have been of First Ladies of the Democratic Party. I must admit, the wax figures are amazing in likeness. They have captured the waxiness of their completions while omitting their evil demeanor. Heck, they even have Michelle Obama smiling as well as no wrinkles on Hillary’s face.

I wonder if the first ladies think of things like this or as I said, is it just me? The media isn’t talking, well unless it is against conservatisms.

Soap Opera World of Haleigh Cummings Continues

Ron and Misty spend time on a grand honeymoon not in Vegas, not in Hawaii, but in the beautiful luxurious hotels of New York City. There are so many gangs in New York; even the whole damn state has a street name, the Big Apple. I know Ron and misty haven’t seen West Side Story, because “it aint been showed in our local theatre yet.”

Meanwhile back in Florida where little Haleigh Cummings still goes missing, the poleece got out their dog again. I think its Blue from the “Beverly Hillbillies.” he is old but good, or maybe he is stuffed, who knows.

Back in New York, the homeless capital of the world, Misty and Ron decide to take a walk, Misty was holding a cup of juice and not a five minutes went by before some business men put a quarter in her cup and said, “I’ve seen homeless but this is pathetic.”
Back in Florida the money pours in for the sake of desperately finding Haleigh. Strangers give from their hearts to help find this missing little girl.

Back in New York City, Misty and Ron decide their strategy because their going on the television. Misty said, “Why would we be on television, are we gonna sit or stand on it?” Ron tells her not to open her mouth on the talk show because he was the brains behind the beauty. Misty said, “Hey, you seein someone behind my back?” Ron said, “No darlin, I meant you, I told you your looks will kick in as soon as you mature maybe in a few years.”

Meanwhile back in Florida, misty’s mom was telling police the real reasons she signed for her daughter to get married, “Hey didn’t want my daughter to be an old maid, heel, she is long past thirteen you know, duh.”

The questions on the talk show were flying, “WHY?” they asked. Misty keeps her promise to Ron and stammers through some um’s and some dunno’s.” Ron takes charge and shrugs a lot. HELLO, IT IS CALLED A TALK SHOW FOR A REASON, PEOPLE TALK.”
Misty and Ron start a walking again when someone stops them on the street and asks, “Hey, shouldn’t you two be looking for your daughter?” Their answer is, “Um, a well, um, we have people.”

I am trying to show just how sad these two people are. Their daughter is missing while they have other plans, why? join the talks on my new webpage,

My About Me Blog

I was a Rhodes scholar, when I was eight my mother told me to hit the roads, the ones with traffic on them. I began as a humorist at the ripe old age of twelve. I wrote, recorded, and produced a play for cassette at the age of thirteen and called it, “Reality in the Mind of an Idiot,” over tracking on two tape recorders acting all the voices myself. I wrote three radio spots for a local New Jersey Radio station when I was fourteen which aired for two years. I started doing stand-up at the age of fifteen which landed me a roll on a local UHF television show called, The Uncle Floyd Show.” I have punched up many comedians routines back in the day; my nickname was punchy, now it is just Jerk, or Hey you.

These days, I write for many publications and have twelve published books out there somewhere. I blog for fun and I write because I love doing it. I have a few very old routines on YouTube. One character of mine, ‘Finga’s, my right hand man,” can be seen on a cold medicine commercial. I wrote for many New York radio shows a while back but decided to concentrate on my writing these days. Once in a great while, when asked I will punch up some of my friend’s comedy routines but my books come first. The blog you are about to read, is my take on life. Some things are funny, some aren’t. It depends on the mood I am in. My books vary. Sometimes I write comedy, sometimes, I write thrillers, but whatever I am working on, I hope it makes you think. They say, you come into this world alone and naked and you die alone and naked. Hey, I just like saying naked. My wish in life is to take my small cult following and create something people can remember.

Back in the day I was known as DiCat. I aways wondered if their was anyone out there with the nickname, Nick? “There he goes, trying to be funny again.” Look, I am not a fragile man. If you think I am silly, stupid, or nuts, let me know, I wont be crushed. I am psychic but never display those thoughts very much. I quit trying to make believers out of people years ago and keep that part of my life private for the most part. I think it was in 1975 when a friend of mine argued with me that there were no such thing as psychic’s. I turned to him and asked him to answer the door. He told me no one rang the bell but a few seconds later, low and behold someone we hadn’t seen in a few years was standing there and his jaw droped. He never doubted me after that.

My favorite book I have written is “Growing Up Goomba.” It is fiction and non fiction. I tell my tale about where and how I grew up in Newark, New Jersey while mafia thugs teach you how to be just like them and live the life. We take turns telling our stories. I had a guy, I think he was on the Sopranos, Steve Schirripa who had written a book a few years after I wrote Goomba, he told me I stole the word Goomba from him. We had a fued for a while but I shut him up after I told him my age. I have been using words like Goomba a lot longer then he had. I also had a scuffle with the Gotti’s “Growing Up Gotti” until they realized that my book title was out long before their television show. By the way, goomba or Goombada really means, Godfather in Italian, and Goomada is Godmother but American/Italian slang would change it to someone close to you, like a good friend, someone who has your back no matter what.” Hey Goombahda.” The Godfather walks up to one of his capo’s and kisses him on the mouth. The Capo leaves the party afraid and shaking. Everyday he checks under the hood of his car, looks over his shoulder, and is afraid for his life knowing very well when the Godfather kisses someone on the mouth it is the kiss of death. The next week the Godfather walks up to his capo again and notices he is a shaken man. ‘My son, why do you fear me so?” the Godfather asks. The guy explains to him. The Godfather said, “Ha ha, look, Charlie, I don’t want to kill you, I want to bang you. I explain to people when they ask if I ran down south after 911. I tell them I am witness protected. I was relocated to South Carolina. I don’t really care who knows where I am for one simple reason, I fear no man, women yes but men no.

For those who think my spelling sucks, well, I work alone, I edit myself, I am dyslexic so I do the best I can with the tools I was handed from God. I am hated by most publishers because of some trouble I got into which will remain my trouble not yours. I am not welcome in the writing community because of my innovative ideas. The only club I am a member of is the side of right. I am not a bible pusher, nor am I a demon. I try to be original and never jump on any band wagon, I just refuse to do that. As I said before, I have loads of books out there somewhere, Amazon, Target, Ebookmall.com, lulu.com WB and have written over a million stories for many publications in the last forty some odd years. I punch up comedy for a few comedians but don’t really make a practice of that these days for one simple reason, they don’t tell others about me to keep me working for them. My only job these days, is writing books although an offer my way wont be out of the question, (hint, hint) I am not flawless, we all learn from out mistakes and for me, I am still learning. My brightest moment was when something I had written was on MSNBC.com but pulled that same day due to my opinions about a certain talk show hoe, oops, host, which will remain nameless but I can say her name rhymes with Okra Wind Free. I auditioned to be on a show called Fridays, and SNL but was turned down years ago. I told a friend of mine that I am turned down by the best, thats how I do business. I was a ghost writer on about thirty five books, some very popular, some not. I have written for loads of television, (punch up work)

So, thats about it, I am open for questions so feel free to e-mail me anytime. ( authorbobbyd@yahoo.com ) I do accept bribes, I come cheap so any offer will be taken under close consideration. My best advise to anyone reading this is advise that was given to me by Lenny Bruce when I was ten years old, Lenny Bruce told me, “Never be a name dropper.”

People seem to dislike me. They hate me with a passion but I don’t mind because of things I say and do. I know who I am, I say what I feel, I don’t stalk behind ones back. I think people are afraid to face the truths in their daily lives. I show them what is real, sometimes using humor and other times being serious. To be honest, my books do not sell, I am not a rich man, and I am always looking for new things to do. I do what I want when I want to and this and this alone is why people are afraid to read my work.

My greatest moment in life wasn’t anything I have written, but getting to meet some of the people I have admired through life. Harry Nilsson, who I got to be friends with before his death, The Firesign Theatre members, who I still stay in contact with through e-mail, Al Lewis, sitting with him at his resturant in the Village in NY, Soupy Sales, who said, show me a guy that is crazy as a loon and I’ll show you Caterino, not to mention others, so I wont. I had a blessed life.

To me, the difference of opinion is what makes us great. I can see things in the past, present, and future as you will soon see in my blogs here which will scare the pants off you. You don’t have to agree with my thoughts but you must admit when I am right. I also love a good debate but when the haters come, and there will be many just laugh at them as I do. They will have nothing to really add except for the name calling. I have for the most part, had many nice people comment me on my work as for the others, they just like busting my chops which I don’t mind, hey, I am Italian after all so I can take it. Since my first book, I have sold a few million, my goal so long ago was to sell one. (No one in my family, brothers, sisters, uncles, nephews, never read anything I have written in forty years, they said, “You can’t write.” To be fair,most of my family told me I couldn’t do lots of things I have done.

I am working on another horror thriller called “The Mindling”. it should be out mid summer when you order it, make sure you have a change of underwear.

I just finished THE WHITE HOUSE MAFIA, a political book about present times we are facing. I hope if you decide to read it, that you will learn something about this Country and those who are trying to end it as we know it. It can be found at:
Click here

Feel free to visit and see the sample.
Thanks and stay safe.

Hey Ma, I Just Killed Bambi Again

I have never been a fan of hunting. To kill any type of animal in my view is murder especially when they can’t use weapons to defend themselves. I wrote this story and received many death threats so that should say something for the hunter and now I do believe that now, I am the hunted. I don’t eat meat, only beef, chicken, and other meat products manufactured by my local grocer, and like most people that are against killing living things, I am also a self admitted hypocrite because I am like the catholic priests, and as we all know the only meat they can eat is none. After obvious pun, I will get to my beef with hunters; here is the meat of my problem.

Long, long ago men were the hunters of their domain. Women stayed in their caves, tents, and igloos, and did the chores women did back then and as we all know, many carry on those past traditions today. This was routine and they did what they had to do for survival. Hunters hunted for the food, out of necessity, to stay alive. Maybe a bear would last a whole winter-feeding a family of six. The point I am trying to make is simple. They had no supermarkets to buy food for their families, no convenient stores, Burger Kings or Mickey D’s. They had to do what they did for continued existence. They only used hand made weapons from sticks and stones which as we know can break your bones.

Now we have the so-called modern day “hunter” and he is armed with his high-powered rifles and automatic weapons and even a cross bow. He goes out and shoots the mighty bunny the awesomely scary deer or Bambi, as I like to call them or even a fowl or two. I would understand if it was necessity but it is not. They do it in the name of sport. “Hey honey, I am going to bring you home some sparrow and maybe if we are lucky I will finally get to bag Bambi.” Sparrow I have heard tastes like chicken. Yeah, sure, put ten or twelve sparrow on a stick and hold them over a nice open fire makes for good eats. I have always said, “If it all tastes like chicken, why not just eat chicken?

A sport in my mind is men and woman competing to be the best. Sport to me is playing a game with others, and coming out a head of the rest. Sport to me is not sneaking up on a bunny rabbit that pops his head out of a hole to see what it can eat that day and blowing its head off with a snipers rifle. Deer cannot shoot back but if they could I am willing to bet there would be less hunters hunting them. These animals have no guns to use to defend themselves. It would be like the New York Jets playing a high school football team. Well that is a bad example but you get what I mean. If you must hunt then lets even up the playing field. Why can’t you hunt a bear armed with nothing but what the bear has, brute strength and nothing else? This seems fair but you would never find a hunter doing that. He would call that unfair. Let’s get a hunter to use intellect which is redundant now isn’t it? That is brains in case you are a hunter and are reading this. How about going one on one with a bobcat or mountain lion?

I heard a conversation with two men talking about hunting bears. One man explained how he shot the bear right in the heart with a scoped rifle. This tells me he was far away from the bear and shot the bear when the bear was unaware the hunter was even there. Hunter? I do not get this whole concept of the sport. If you must eat meat there is plenty in the stores. There is no need to kill Bugs Bunny or Bambi or yes even Yogi and Boo Boo. If I can keep it as a pet, I just aint eating it.

One day there was a hunter hiding in the woods. He scoped out his prey. It was a male bear and his family, three cubs and a female bear. The hunter wanted to get a little closer so he wouldn’t miss. He picks up his rifle and by accident he stepped on a twig. It made a noise loud enough to startle the bear. The bear wanted to protect his family so he charged the man. The man tried to run but stumbled and fell. The bear swiped him three times with his huge claws and walked away. He was able to use his cell phone to call for help. The Rangers came to his rescue then hunted the bear down and killed it. The reason was the bear attacked the man. Well isn’t this what sport is all about? You win some or you lose some. Well the man lost so why wasn’t the bear given a metal for winning the event? The reward for the bear is becoming a rug in the mans home. Lovely thought is a dead animal skin on my floor or a dead animal’s head hanging on my wall.

We do this in war but we all hate wars but at least it is fair. One on one is fair but a man with a weapon against a animal without is not in my book. This is only my opinion. I won’t hunt anything that I can call a pet, nor will I eat anything I can call a pet. I am not a vegetarian but I know where the food is. I have no need to go out and murder anything when there are resources available. Some call me a hypocrite and so be it.

We need to regroup and rethink. This is the year 2007 and some of us who think we are men need not prove themselves to others by killing a few birds or Bambi and hang their heads on the wall of out homes. Maybe a big gun is justification for a smaller something else. I am a man and I know it. I don’t have to fight or kill to prove it to anyone. How come we don’t hunt cow or pig because we eat them also.

Give a man a duck and he will eat for a day, teach him to shoot and he will kill for a lifetime. Eloquently put for an old guy from Jersey wouldn’t you say? Some think animals have no rights but I beg to differ. They can’t speak so they need a voice coming to there rescue.

I have written articles before and was asked in about one hundred emails to walk in their shoes before I spoke about hunting. I said in reply that I have written murder mysteries for television does that mean I should kill a man before I do?

I have had this argument for many years now. Yes picking up a package of meat from your grocer is the same as killing the meat yourself. This is what I was told, the rational by these hunter savants. It is not the same thing. The thought of picking up a gun or an arrow and thrusting a bullet or arrow into a living life sickens me. The thrill of the hunt as it was so put to me in one email I just will never under stand. I can’t get excited about killing a dear or even a duck. As I said before if you are stalking a mountain lion and you miss then the feline turns around and maim you it will be killed as a threat to society. Why should this be? I thought hunting should at least be a two way street. I can’t stress this enough but here I go again. Life is life and no one being is any better then another. We are all gods creatures and should remember this fact.

Take a look around you folks. Before man over populated the world it was mostly water and land filled with these animals. Now we push the animal, force them to live on small reserves. Isn’t this what we have done to the Native Americans? Sometimes they wonder off or become overpopulated then we say “Let’s thin the herd”. This is the hunters clever way of saying” Lets kill something today”. You can make your arguments for all the reasons to kill something that has been living here since the dawn of time but I won’t have it. You are killing my friends; oops I guess you are not my friends at this point.

Not to be confused with an obsession I want to clear a few things up here and now. I don’t care what people do. If they eat meat then good for them and if they kill the food they eat then good for them too. I just refuse to have to kill, myself in the name of “experience before you speak”.

I knew a man once. He bragged to me about his grandson, how he hunted wild boar. I listened as he went on to tell me how the pen was a four by four cell. Then the hunter would shoot the caged animal and call it their hunt. This is fair? All’s fair in love and war and the hunt I guess. If you miss the bear trying to protect its young and you miss then you die. We do not see that as fair. Think about how fair this situation is. Just to say you killed Bambi does not make you a man.

We do not eat dog or cat. Other cultures do so why not kill a few dogs and place them in our deep freeze for food. What the hell is the difference? I knew a guy that shot his pet dogs when he got tired of them. He would get a new one and when he tired of that one “BANG”. Maybe it’s just me and maybe I am wrong. I better go out and get me a shot gun with a scope and hunt me some gerbil or ferret. Hey there is a proper way to cook ferret you know. You don’t just bake or fry them. You stick a stick up its rump and then scorch them over an open fire. Maybe a squirrel or even a bat will make for some good eats. Bat tastes like chicken. I would think it tasted like licorice.

Ok so I got myself a gun now what. I am walking in the park stalking my prey. I see a robin that landed on the lake for a drink. I aim carefully and “BANG” I got it right between the eyes. Wow that felt great. Now what I feel the power now. So this is what they meant by the thrill. Yes I feel it now. I see a squirrel “BANG” now a duck “BAM BAM” now another bird. This is great more. Now a dog and two cats BANG BANG POW. Now a child, let’s see if I get the same thrill with a bigger target. There is a kid playing ball “BANG”. Yes I got him and boy I feel the power, the thrill. Hey there’s his dad, bigger target yet. Bang, bang you’re dead. Now how Am I going to get all this meat home? The man is on the hood of my car and the boy is in the trunk. The squirrels, dogs, bats, ferrets and fowl are in my glove compartment. This should last me through the winter but it is not enough for me now. I think I will start hunting bigger game. Hmm, maybe a kid then work my way up to an adult. Oh, hold that thought, I see a snake trying to eat a rat. “BANG”! Snake steaks and Boa burgers anyone? How about a hot doggie, dog stew or for desert chocolate moose made with a real moose or my specialty Bats Parmesan? Let them eat crow. Well I’m not feeling that hungry so Ill just get the salad and count my blessings. Tomorrow it is Kid Creole and Granny Stew.

Hey before I go I will send you a picture of my brand new cat skin rug. It took almost a hundred of these little buggers to make it. I like the way they placed the white Persians in the middle and the calico on the outer edges, and it has a kitten fringe. It is one handsome trophy. On my living room wall I have these trophy heads, a moose, an elk, my mother in law.

Let’s live together and try to understand why we are here, all of us. If you have hunting in your blood, then please, don’t kill for fun, trophy, or to impress, kill for the food unless it is your mother in law, kidding. If you are one that hunts for the food, then go for it. Just don’t get angry when a bear malls you in the woods, it is his home, remember that.

President Obama, His Posse, and the Barakoholics

There’s a new Sheriff in town and his name is Barack Obama. He will be fighting evil and clean up this here town for good. His posse consists of many such as, The Clinton Gang, The Wall Street Shovelers, The even Stevens, and the ever so ruthless, “Barackoholics.

The Clinton Gang, are the group that believes in fair trade, “Hey, girl, do you have some southern in ya, want some?” The Queen of denial, and, they just love to sing. Their favorite song is “Mambo number five, “A Little bit of Monica under my desk, a little bit of every woman what the heck.” The leader of the gang is usually used for finding gold with his divining rod only not in his own back yard.

Then there is “The Wall Street Gang” these people are notorious for their hit and run tactics and deny, deny, denying they ever were involved. Other members in this group are Fanny, the floozy, Freddie the freeloader, Nancy “Bla, Bla, Bla”Pelosi, Lefty the Mighty Media, Opie Windbag, and Back Breaker Barney who really is a dinosaur. The even Stevens are those who look at things with logic, and fairness, then give an honest opinion of what they see and usually get gunned down for those opinions.

You have two types in this here town and there just aint enough room for the both of them so one must go. First you have the Barackoholics. Some how they see this new sheriff as a Dudley do right who can never do wrong even when he does even though Obama is a self admited lefty. He winks and smiles at them and somehow his powers razzle dazzles the masses. The other types are just folks who know what’s really going on but just can’t seem to break that spell that binds but what these regular folks are not aware of, is that the Sheriff has a secret identity and has super powers along with his sidekick, meek and mild mannered Michelle. When danger shows its ugly head, these two spring into action and it’s into the Barrack cave. They emerge as Smokey and Mirrors. Mirrors the faithful sidekick can use her special powers to make the strongest fall with one evil look. Smokey will use his special pauses to confuse and daze until the deed is done or until the prompter catches up. Once the fire is out, these two head back to the Barracks where they lose the undercover bit and spend a bit under covers in which one smokes and the other is smoking.

Yes folks, there is a new Sheriff in town and he is gunnen for what’s left until the right sees the light. So watch out for the new super hero dynamic duo, for whenever there is wrong in the world, there unfairplay or a barfight, you can bet one thing, he wont be there. He is like a rock star, only in a suit, well, without the jacket, but he doesn’t play an instrument though, only people.

Are You Kidding Me? Give a Joke, Take a Joke

I was sitting in the bar when in walks Barney Frank, I thought he looked familiar and asked him what he was doing in my neck of the woods. He explained and I said, “This is America, speak English dude because I can’t understand a word you are saying, and another thing, I don’t like your kind, men with two first names really irk me.” Then a horse walks into the bar and sits down on the stool next to me. I didn’t say a word. Then John Kerry walked in when the horse asked him, “Hey bub, why the long face?”

I watched Barak Obama trying to swim in the resorts beautiful swimming pool, He was having trouble so I tried giving him pointers. His secret service men pulled me away from him. They asked me what I was trying to do. I told them I was going to help Obama swim, they said, “Leave him alone, he always walks on the water like that.”

The seven Dwarfs walk into the bar. Dopey is with a woman. I asked him to introduce me to the woman and he said, “I have high standards, I am dating a nun, she is a virgin.” I said, no, that’s a penguin and she aint no virgin.”

A drunk walked up to me and said, “I haven’t had a shot in a week.” So I shot him. Another drunk walked up to me and asked for money. I said, “No way, I am not giving you a dime. I can see that bottle sticking out of your pocket.” The drunk then said, “That is in case I get the chills, for medicinal proposes.” I then said, “I don’t believe you.” He then added, well it is mighty cold tonight and if you ever need a good doctor, give me a call.”

Mickey Mouse walks into the bar. He looks around and asks, “Hey, where is all your booze?” The bartender said, “We only have beer here.” Mickey said, “Hey, what kind of a George Bush Joint are you running here anyway?”

obama and Michelle walk into a bar. A drunk hits on Michelle Obama doesn’t do anything. The drunk tries to get fresh with Michelle, Obama doesn’t do anything, then the drunk kisses Michelle and Obama again stands there. The drunk walks away with Michelle and Obama stands their looking, watching as te two leave the bar. The bartender walks over to Obama and says, Hey Mr. How did you let that happen, how did you just stand there? How come you didn’t say a word? Obama looks at the man and says, “I didn’t have my teleprompter or speech writer with me.”

Is it just me or is John Kerry starting to look like Jay Leno’s Father?

John Kerry, Jay Leno, Nancy Kerrigan, walk into a bar, A horse walked over to them and asked, “Is the horse racing convention in town again?”

Barack Obama is hanging on a cross, A republican asks him what they can do for him. Obama says, “Olease, take the nails out of my wrists. The republican says, “I cannot. “Obama says, “Look, I won.” The man reaches up and pulls both nails out. Obama looks suprised and says, “Hey man, the feet the feet.” as he plunges downward. The republican helps Obama to his feet and asks him “what happened, why were you nailed to the cross?” He looked at him and said, “I think it was something Oprah said, not sure. Then the two went off skiing getting ready for the big slide down hill and nope the polls didn’t help Obama nor did the Italians, the swedes the ……

A Black guy walks into an Italian bar. The thug walks over and says, “Hey, where you from?” The black man says, “I am African American.” The Italian thug turns to his friends and says, “A, he’s ok, he is one of us, A FREAKIN AMERICAN.”

How many democrats does it take to turn a lightbullb? Two, one to turn the bulb, and the second one to buy the bulb for a trillion dollars.

The hippy dude from the sixties walks into his wifes room and sees her head spinning round and around. He figured she was possesed by the devil. He didn’t call tyhe church, he just put a record on top of her head and grooved to the beat. She turns to him and spits what looked like green split pea soup at him. What can he do, he got some saltines to go with it. Then his wife started to float in the sir, so like any good husband, he made the bed, turned the record over and put the headphones on.

Obama’s first act as President was to sign a bill. It was a bill to make the teleprompter go faster.

Washington stood at the Potomic and through a silver dollar across it. He then said these historic words. “Look guys, I am a democrat.”

Bill Clinton was sitting at hgis deck with a intern under it. The secret service burst in and remind him what he was doing was wrong. Bill said, “Why, I am wearing my jacket and tie.”

A friend of mine Ron, was blabbing to everyone that he knew this guy and that guy and after a few months of hearing how he knew so many important people, I finnally asked him if he knew the Pope. He turned to me and said, “Just come with me.” He drove me to where the Pope was going to give a speech. Their must have been a million people there. He told me to stand there and he walked away. I watched the tenth floor of the hi rise as the Pope walked out on the balcony. Just then Ron walked out with him and they both were waving to the crowd. Just then a man walked over to me and asked, “Hey, who is that guy standing next to Ron?”

Yesterday I looked in my wife’s eyes and told her “after thirty one years, you still are a doll.” She smiled and kissed me on the lips and said, “I really needed to hear that.” She walked out and under my breath I said, “Yeah, a voodoo doll.” Then she added, “I heard that.”

Please reply, just add your own jokes to this pathetic blog so we can keep smiling forever.