Are You Kidding Me? Give a Joke, Take a Joke

I was sitting in the bar when in walks Barney Frank, I thought he looked familiar and asked him what he was doing in my neck of the woods. He explained and I said, “This is America, speak English dude because I can’t understand a word you are saying, and another thing, I don’t like your kind, men with two first names really irk me.” Then a horse walks into the bar and sits down on the stool next to me. I didn’t say a word. Then John Kerry walked in when the horse asked him, “Hey bub, why the long face?”

I watched Barak Obama trying to swim in the resorts beautiful swimming pool, He was having trouble so I tried giving him pointers. His secret service men pulled me away from him. They asked me what I was trying to do. I told them I was going to help Obama swim, they said, “Leave him alone, he always walks on the water like that.”

The seven Dwarfs walk into the bar. Dopey is with a woman. I asked him to introduce me to the woman and he said, “I have high standards, I am dating a nun, she is a virgin.” I said, no, that’s a penguin and she aint no virgin.”

A drunk walked up to me and said, “I haven’t had a shot in a week.” So I shot him. Another drunk walked up to me and asked for money. I said, “No way, I am not giving you a dime. I can see that bottle sticking out of your pocket.” The drunk then said, “That is in case I get the chills, for medicinal proposes.” I then said, “I don’t believe you.” He then added, well it is mighty cold tonight and if you ever need a good doctor, give me a call.”

Mickey Mouse walks into the bar. He looks around and asks, “Hey, where is all your booze?” The bartender said, “We only have beer here.” Mickey said, “Hey, what kind of a George Bush Joint are you running here anyway?”

obama and Michelle walk into a bar. A drunk hits on Michelle Obama doesn’t do anything. The drunk tries to get fresh with Michelle, Obama doesn’t do anything, then the drunk kisses Michelle and Obama again stands there. The drunk walks away with Michelle and Obama stands their looking, watching as te two leave the bar. The bartender walks over to Obama and says, Hey Mr. How did you let that happen, how did you just stand there? How come you didn’t say a word? Obama looks at the man and says, “I didn’t have my teleprompter or speech writer with me.”

Is it just me or is John Kerry starting to look like Jay Leno’s Father?

John Kerry, Jay Leno, Nancy Kerrigan, walk into a bar, A horse walked over to them and asked, “Is the horse racing convention in town again?”

Barack Obama is hanging on a cross, A republican asks him what they can do for him. Obama says, “Olease, take the nails out of my wrists. The republican says, “I cannot. “Obama says, “Look, I won.” The man reaches up and pulls both nails out. Obama looks suprised and says, “Hey man, the feet the feet.” as he plunges downward. The republican helps Obama to his feet and asks him “what happened, why were you nailed to the cross?” He looked at him and said, “I think it was something Oprah said, not sure. Then the two went off skiing getting ready for the big slide down hill and nope the polls didn’t help Obama nor did the Italians, the swedes the ……

A Black guy walks into an Italian bar. The thug walks over and says, “Hey, where you from?” The black man says, “I am African American.” The Italian thug turns to his friends and says, “A, he’s ok, he is one of us, A FREAKIN AMERICAN.”

How many democrats does it take to turn a lightbullb? Two, one to turn the bulb, and the second one to buy the bulb for a trillion dollars.

The hippy dude from the sixties walks into his wifes room and sees her head spinning round and around. He figured she was possesed by the devil. He didn’t call tyhe church, he just put a record on top of her head and grooved to the beat. She turns to him and spits what looked like green split pea soup at him. What can he do, he got some saltines to go with it. Then his wife started to float in the sir, so like any good husband, he made the bed, turned the record over and put the headphones on.

Obama’s first act as President was to sign a bill. It was a bill to make the teleprompter go faster.

Washington stood at the Potomic and through a silver dollar across it. He then said these historic words. “Look guys, I am a democrat.”

Bill Clinton was sitting at hgis deck with a intern under it. The secret service burst in and remind him what he was doing was wrong. Bill said, “Why, I am wearing my jacket and tie.”

A friend of mine Ron, was blabbing to everyone that he knew this guy and that guy and after a few months of hearing how he knew so many important people, I finnally asked him if he knew the Pope. He turned to me and said, “Just come with me.” He drove me to where the Pope was going to give a speech. Their must have been a million people there. He told me to stand there and he walked away. I watched the tenth floor of the hi rise as the Pope walked out on the balcony. Just then Ron walked out with him and they both were waving to the crowd. Just then a man walked over to me and asked, “Hey, who is that guy standing next to Ron?”

Yesterday I looked in my wife’s eyes and told her “after thirty one years, you still are a doll.” She smiled and kissed me on the lips and said, “I really needed to hear that.” She walked out and under my breath I said, “Yeah, a voodoo doll.” Then she added, “I heard that.”

Please reply, just add your own jokes to this pathetic blog so we can keep smiling forever.

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