Growing Up Goomba

“Growing up Goomba”, a book I had written way back in the olden days.  I was a Small Italian boy growing up in a large mob infested town.  I lived to tell the tale using humor in intervals.  I wrote every other chapter telling my side of the story, while creating mobsters to tell their side of things.  This book and its concept was long before there were a Soprano’s TV show.  They filmed their little show in my neighborhood.  My dream was to have the concept of Goomba, either become a comedy film, or at the least a Television sitcom.  I would love to see that little guy from Seinfeld as the Godfather, or maybe even Danny DeVito.  I think it would make a wonderful comedy if I do say so myself.  It was written to read like a movie.  Here is how it might go if Television comes to their senses and decides to air the darned thing.

The following scene takes place in the back room of a local bar in Newark, New Jersey called “Goomba’s.   Vito Goomba, was the beloved bar owner who was very ill these days.  He also is the mob boss for the small but leathal group who usually ends up in the back room at Goomba’s bar and grill, to discuss happenings of the day, jobs that went well and went wrong, and just to hang out playing some cards, and eating some pizza.

The back room at Goombs’s bar and grill, was closed to the general public, in fact, anyone who mistakenly walks into that room, usually is never seen or heard from again, or becomes a member of the group.  The usual crew is Frankie the Nose, Harry the pick, Manny the driver, Rocco the forger, and Jugs, the barmaid who serves the boys exclusively.

The boys are sitting around the round table for daily discussion.  It was called the round table because it was round.  Vito Goomba only shows his face at the end of the night to collect his cut, and hand someone the keys to close the bar when they were done. Manny speaks, “So Rocco, I am so sorry to hear about your grandma, i didn’t know she was so ill.”  Rocco replies, “Well she wasn’t, well, you know how she was always bent over, as if she was constantly looking for a nickle on the ground?  Well, I sort of sent her to a group of specialists to see if they could fix it.  Who knew she would have a heart attack in the middle of her session.”  Manny asks, “What group was it?”  Rocco replied, “Scared Straight.”  Frankie reaches over and slaps Rocco on the back of the head and said, “How stupid can you bee, that is for hardened criminals not for little grandmothers.”  Rocco replies, “Well she did serve five to ten in the pen, for whacking her last five husbands.”  Jugs walks over and asks, “How come she didn’t get life?”  Rocco replied, ” the judge was her cousin from Philly.”  Just then Vito walks in.  “How did we do today boys?”  Frankie tosses a black bag on the table filled to the brim with cash, “We done ok,.  Vito picks up the bad, sniffs it, and slaps Harry in the back of the head and said, “A little shy, were at least two grand short.  Do better tomorrow.”  With that said, he tosses Harry the keys to his place and  walks out. 
A little short he says.”  Harry smiles and he throws the keys to Rocco. Rocco said  “Vito is so short, when he goes to a wedding, he has to sit at the kids table.”and he tosses the keys to Jugs, she misses them and as usual she has to bend over to pick them up off the floor.  Manny asks for a night cap but Jugs just smirks and says, “You just had one, now boys, go home so I can lock up.
  Just then Vito pokes his head and says, “Oh yeah, before I forget, My nephew Pauly is due in any minute and I want one of use guys to take good care of him.”  Manny said, “What you mean cement shoes, become someones landscaping boss?”  Vito replied, “No idiot, show him around, he is going to join our little family.

The boys hang out for a while longer waiting for Pauly.  Just then a huge man, almost seven feet tall, sporting a violin case opens the door and walks in, he says nothing.  The boys waiting quietly to see what this man wanted.  He lays the violin case on the table and opens the patches.  “I am Harvey, my fiends call me “the crusher.”  The boys seemed to hold their breath wondering who and what this guy was.  He opens the case and out pops the smallest little man anyone has ever seen.  “Hey, I’m Pauly, Vito sent for me.”  The boys all burst out with laughter.  Pauly jumps out from the case, runs over to Rocco, grams a whiskey bottle slams it over his head, karate kicks Manny, and leaps into the arms of Jugs.   He smiles and says, “Any questions?” 

Well, I had fun writing the book.  It was about growing up in Newark, among friends and family.  Most of my friends moved away, but the family, well many of them were arrested, I saw them on an HBO special one year. I delve into my life story, and as I said before, the Mob boys tell their side of it.  It is a great read, a fun read, and a learning read. Remember the book, Growing up Goomba, and the sequel called, “Son of Godfaddah.”  Thanks for this read, I will be back with yet another tale, so until next time, stay safe, and warm.

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